Quieting Your Inner Critic

"The inner critic limits so many brilliant women from going from what they really want and from sharing their gifts with the world." – Tara Mohr

You know that negative voice in your head that critiques, undermines, and doubts you and your goals? An inner critic that says things like, “What’s the point? You’ll never stick with it, so why bother?”, or “Everyone will judge you”, “Who do you think you are going after that?”.

This inner critic is loud, savvy, and relentless. And Tara Mohr, the brilliant author of “Playing Big”, says it is standing in the way of our living out our best lives.

Mohr is an expert on women’s leadership and well-being, and I’m currently tearing through her book.

’m fascinated by what she has to say about this negative voice we all have inside our heads that tells us we’re not good enough. She says this inner critic is definitely NOT your own voice (not even a secondary one). Despite bombarding you from inside your own head, and perhaps even sounding like you, the inner critic is, in fact, a separate entity. It is likely that its negative commentary is inspired by demanding characters from your past or present: a domineering boss, a critical teacher, an impossible to please relative, etc. It could be the work of media messaging pitching a tent inside your head. Your inner critic could be a combination of many voices you’ve heard in your life, each piping up at precise and opportune moments to inflict blows to your enthusiasm and self-esteem. The voices work together to stifle your growth, your success, and your sense of self-worth. If you believe what these voices say about you, you run the real risk of living a life based on fear and doubt. Of playing small.  

It is so important to learn how to quiet your inner critic, and I’m going to take the steps to do just that. I’d love it if you did it with me.

According to Mohr, the first step in learning to quiet the inner critic is to create a character – a persona – to represent it in your mind’s eye. She says that by fleshing out these shady characters we can humanize them, which makes it easier to see them for who they really are: scared, anxious people, who want to protect us from suffering. They may not go about it in a loving way (criticisms and name-calling aren’t super-pleasant – or obvious – forms of protection), but that’s their core motivation: protect you from doing the scary things at any cost. Scolding, belittling words are fair game if the means end in you not getting hurt.

Problem is, the inner voice doesn’t see how GREAT things could turn out if you step outside your comfort zone and try some of the scary things you’ve been avoiding! It doesn’t have the capacity to see (let alone appreciate) the potential growth that can come from sticking your neck out there. There is so much to learn from failure, and so much opportunity to succeed, if only you can move past that protective guard dog telling you, “Beware!” and GO GET IT. Why do we let this pessimistic, fearful voice dictate what kind of life we’re capable of living? Because it doesn’t think we are worthy of it? Well, nonsense.

We are capable and worthy of playing bigger in our lives. 

So, we start with visualizing who this inner critic is - so we can tell him/her/them, “Thanks, but I’ve got this one.”

What does your inner critic look like? Perhaps a harsh teacher? A stern grandparent? A group of mean girls in school? Maybe it’s more abstract than a specific person: maybe more like a collection of fashion magazine articles about body image or pleasing people. However you visualize the voice(s) is fine. There’s no right or wrong way to do it if the result has you recognizing that character, acknowledging it/them, and then getting on with doing your own thing despite the toxic crapola coming at you. You might find it comical to notice your inner critic going at you, and saying something like, “Oh, you silly Inner Critic. I see you there; I see what you’re trying to do. It won’t work, though, so ta-ta for now!!” Imagine how bad-ass and empowered you might feel to slough the inner critic off like that. It’s not aggressive or antagonistic (Mohr says approaching it that way almost always backfires); you’re simply diminishing the power that other voice has over you - feeling secure enough within that it barely even registers anymore. How wonderful does that sound?

Learning, and growing in inspiration

I’ve been practicing talking to my inner critic, and while I’m still new to this process, I do notice a positive difference. For example, yesterday I woke up with the intention of heading over to the gym and restarting a fitness regimen. I was pumped the night before, had already laid out my workout clothes and packed my bag. I should have hit the ground running! But wouldn’t you know, before my feet even touched the floor my inner critic had something to say: “It’s so much comfier in bed. You’re going to feel fat and squished and watched and judged there. Just start tomorrow, or maybe do pilates in the living room later this afternoon or something.” I felt the wind knocked out of my sails immediately. However, instead of giving into that voice (as I’ve done for a year now. A YEAR!), I did something new. I kindly said to it, “Hey there. I know you’re trying to keep me comfortable, and it definitely is cozy here, but I’ve got this. I’m going to give the gym a go. Thanks for your concern.” And as if  a magic wand had been waved over my inner critic, she was quiet. I was thrilled! I worked out as planned – with a little extra oomph even – and it set a positive tone to the rest of my day. I call that a success!

Deep down, if we’re honest with ourselves, we know what to do in most situations. Unfortunately, especially with big decisions, our inner critic can be so loud that we lose our sense of direction, and even worse, our confidence in our innate value and abilities. The inner critic has the power to keep us from living our best lives – but only if we let it. There are opportunities for resilience in even the scariest of situations, and learning to quiet the inner critic is just one of the ways we can tap into that.  

Sending love and encouragement your way, sincerely hoping it finds you today.

~ Katelyn

You can learn more about the inner critic, and other insights from Tara Mohr here, or at www.taramohr.com.